Posted in Medicine

Letters to A Young Resident (AKA What I Wish I Had Known During Residency), Part 1

[Here begins another hopefully semi-regular series on life, love, and lack of life and/or love life during residency.

It is a map of the realities of life as a resident, an orange traffic cone pointing out the giant potholes in the seemingly smooth, post-med school, yellow-brick-road of residency.

It is a guide to things I wish I had known or done differently.

No, it’s not a comprehensive guide. And certainly, my experiences as an OBGYN resident may not be universal. But I do think that my experiences:

1) are fairly amusing

2) are applicable to most residents, regardless of the specialty

3) may help you anticipate and prepare for the pitfalls and problems you might encounter during residency,

4) might help you emerge a better, healthier, and more complete person and resident than I, Gunga Din.

So here’s to you! May you have a safe and successful journey to the Emerald City known as attending physician-hood.] Continue reading →

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A Guide To Recognizing Your Hospital Saints: Nurses Edition

It’s time for another lesson on hospital personnel recognition. This time, it’s the nurses’ turn!

KINGDOM: Nurses

Nurses are one of the most important kingdoms in the hospital ecosystem. Amongst those in the Kingdom Nurses, there are several categories.

Nursing then and now

Nursing then and now via/via

Phylum: Certified Nurses Aides/Licensed Practical Nurses

CNAs and LPNs are certified in specific nursing tasks. In the hospital, they may be found taking your blood pressure, setting up medical equipment, and assisting in other tasks.

Phylum: Registered Nurses

Likely the most common kind of nurse you’ll encounter in the exotic environment known as the hospital. They may work in any field, in any area of the hospital. As opposed to the previous phylum, registered nurses have degrees in nursing. Continue reading →

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Fair(l)y Tales of The OR: Ravenlocks and The Three Scrub Sinks

In the American medical system, the operating rooms are considered especially mysterious. In hospitals, the dedicated housestaff who operate in these places are members of an elite squad known as residents.

These are their stories.

Ravenlocks and the Three Scrub Sinks

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Ravenlocks, with hair as black as raven feathers. But you wouldn’t know, because she had to stuff it every day under a really unflattering blue bouffant hat – two, in fact, to keep her hair from falling out through the weak elastic opening.

bouffant yikes

hey boy, I feel your misery. source

Most days, Ravenlocks would sit into operating room, waiting for her prince – no, wait, the patient – to come, rolled in by the anesthesia elves with their propofol magic. And after the prick of the needle, and the patient fell into a deep sleep of a hundred years (sorry, minutes), she would wander out into the wilderness that was the operating room hallways to look for a scrub sink to wash her weary hands.

Outside the operating room, she found a sink. Ravenlocks was in a hurry, so she opened a scrub brush and kicked the water panel with her knee to start the water’s flow. She tested the water from the first sink.

“Owwwwwwww, s#)%!” exclaimed Ravenlocks, a real pottymouth, “That f%^&*($ sink is TOO HOT!”

[Use some of that scrub for your tongue, young lady – love, Mom]

Ralphies scrub brush

Poor Ralphie (thanks to via)

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A Guide To Recognizing Your Hospital Saints: Doctor Edition

And I understand now, maybe not completely, but more, that in times of overwhelming joy, immobile sadness, hysterical laughter, absolute fear, and sometimes just perfect quiet there is Life. [And residency.]

/Dito Montiel, A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints [Added by me]

 

When the topic of my employment comes up, as it must inevitably do in the culture of American small talk, people become confused.

“You’re a fellow?,” they say, hesitantly, “…so that means you’re in residency?”

Or,

“You’re a fellow?…So that’s like an intern, right?”

Or,

“You’re a fellow?…But I thought you were a girl.”

 

I’m kidding about the last one. But despite the continued popularity and abundance television shows and movies taking place in hospitals, confusion remains around the roles of the vast horde of people milling around the hospital who will inevitably meet you, poke you, prod you, and wake you up at 5 am to check on you.

stop rounding time

thanks to via

It’s definitely a hard thing to understand, especially when you’re overwhelmed by your medical situation and the atmosphere of controlled, chlorinated chaos contained in a very sterile-looking room. Even those aforementioned shows and movies don’t identify hospital staff correctly – an intern as a resident, a neurologist as a neurosurgeon, etc – and it’s like commotion cordis every time.

So for all you filmmakers, for all you television writers, and for all who will eventually come face-to-face with medical staff of some sort, here’s a quick guide to recognizing your (hospital) saints (non-canonical, with all apologies to Papa Francesco): Doctor Edition

Continue reading →

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